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You Will Be A Better Writer If You Live First
Finding your voice through the profundity (and mundanity) of experience
Ever since those first days of writing in school, I was told “you are a good writer.” I scored high on any writing assessment throughout my educational experience, and then went on to earn a Ph.D. in philosophy, which of course involves a boatload of writing. It’s pretty difficult to get away with a dissertation that is written poorly, at least in my discipline.
Still, I never really felt like the real me shone through anything I wrote. There were occasional moments of authenticity, where my words revealed my vulnerabilities or provided glimpses into the deepest corners of my mind. Most of the time, however, I was writing to earn praise. Whether to earn a grade, a degree, snag a publication in an academic journal so I could put another line on my C.V., or get a job — I was always seeking the approval of others. In so doing, there were very few times when I was not engaging in “performance writing.”
Sure, I still have to perform academic philosophy, which has an absurdly long list of gatekeeping requirements for what even “counts.” Now that I’ve earned tenure, I am less restricted and can push boundaries a bit more, but there are still clearly defined “performative rules.” It reminds me of this Jim Morrison quote:
