Leaving the Ghost Kingdom

Meeting my birth father for the first time, again

In the past, one could only enter one’s Ghost Kingdom through fantasy, but now in this Age of Search and Reunion, the ghosts are being morphed into real life people who inhabit the real world.

— from Lost and Found: The Adoption Experience

Once I knew I had found him, the speed with which I composed and then sent a message disgruntled my measured and methodically planning self. But, after all these years of searching, it came as no surprise that my impatient and impulsive side triumphed. Still, I read over what I had written 10,000 times before sending (and another few thousand after I sent), but once the decision was made that it was what I wanted to say, I hit ‘send’, and thus began the reunion with my birth father.

Sort of.

The message sat for what seemed like years, unread and unanswered. I would soon learn that my biological dad was not the most internet savvy person on the planet. Voices from friends and family, and even some of my own internal voices (that pesky over-thinker who has run the show far too long) — voices of reason and moderation — told me to just be patient.

I did not listen.