I Tried A Bidet Sprayer So You Don’t Have To

A little potty humor in this time of our toilet paper dis-content

Toilet paper is a rare commodity these days, but this shortage is likely temporary. Nevertheless, we’ve been staring down the last couple rolls in my house for while now, and mild panic has been stirring.

We have been toying with the idea of installing a bidet for a long while now, but we live with two thought interrupters — a 3-year-old and a 10-month-old. So…wait, what was I saying?

Oh yes, bidets! They are a great solution for many issues ‘down under’ — like literally, they are better for the planet, and less cruel to your bum and other bits, as this article painstakingly details.

So, this pandemic finally forced our hand, although we opted for the much less expensive “bum gun” option. It’s a hose sprayer that attaches to the water supply next to your toilet. They come in all sorts of varieties, some with heated water supply, some with different water pressure settings, etc. Prices seem to range from about $40 to $120, but I figure, after 120 bucks, I might as well buy myself a sexy talking toilet voiced by Jon Hamm, like the one on that episode of Bob’s Burgers.

There is also the option of the “portable bidet” for just around 15 bucks. It’s basically a peri bottle. That’s the thing you get after…