Member-only story
Five Pounds
Honoring myself during National Eating Disorders Awareness Week
Five pounds was the goal
To dance that part
To fit into that tutu
With the sparkling rhinestones
Five pounds was the stick
Ms. Martha used to slap my tummy
Telling me I looked pregnant
While I did rond de jambe en l’air
Five pounds was the fun I permitted myself
Eating the pizza and keeping it down
But with every smile I grew larger
Each laugh inched the scale upward
Five pounds became ten and then fifteen
It became pills and secrets
To cover the bruises on my stomach
Self-inflicted punishment for a few jelly beans
Five, then ten, then fifteen pounds I slowly gained back
Terrified the rising numbers would never cease
Convincing myself that picking up weights in the gym
Was better than losing my body and myself
Five pounds is evidence of love and nourishment
